With anger over anger

I am angry, and if it were not enough anger in itself, I am very angry to be angry.

My cell phone was Stolen. I was talking on the phone, and a boy (cute), came on a bike and pulled it out of my ear. I was Petrified. A few moments later I imagined possible reactions, as if it were a character of those books in which the reader himself chooses the end that you like:

  1. I scream and some neighbor goes to run the boy, he reaches it and they take him prisoner.
  2. I fight with the cell so much that the boy gives in and ends up leaving.
  3. I run, I put a stick on the wheel of the bike, he falls I take his cell, put a leg on his chest defeated and hallelujah!, the victory is Mine.

But no! None of that Happened. The end I chose was to stay still without emitting sound or movement watching the boy get away with my cell phone. Let’s go! It’s not the first time someone stole my cell phone, in fact it’s not the first time the form is Repeated. Between being distracted and being from South america, I should consider myself fortunate if no one had ever stolen anything from Me. But the truth is that I never had a little affected the Situation.

This time, away from home and with a cell phone last purchased a month ago, as a month ago I had stolen in italy, I started to cry stop in the Street. People came out to comfort me that they had seen what happened on Cameras. And I was crying, like a fool, just for a cell phone. And obviously that started the trap: “it’s just a cell phone, something material, it was, it’s not to get like this.” But I felt like the ortho. And the worst thing is that feeling so much anger to lose a gross cellular I was angry a lot.

then, that figure invented with which I identify myself sometimes, who believes almost Buddha because he never gets angry, I began to give multiple excuses to try to blur my anger:

  1. There are children starving right now and you’re crying because you lost a cell phone.
  2. There’s someone Who’s dying a loved one right now and you’re crying over a cell phone.
  3. There’s someone Who’s being killed to rob you right now and you’re crying over a cell phone.
  4. There are people who have no home, live in the streets begging and you weeping for a cell phone.
  5. There are people diagnosed with very cruel illnesses and you crying over a cell phone.

And so an endless mental list that I had to go through so that when someone came to comfort me I could say: “never mind, It was just a cell phone.” What a trap!!! I mean, my mechanism is to imagine limit situations, relativize a fact to convince me that it is not worth feeling what I feel because there are worse things. besides, how a person as spiritual as me is going to get angry about such nonsense.

And there began to act the same character consoling and pseudoespiritual trying to find justifications elevated to the event:

  1. You should not have bought a cell phone so expensive, sold all your stuff, you give it from Non-materialistic and invested in a last model, better now you do not have it so you generate a deeper connection with the moment and not so much with the networks.
  2. You have to learn something about Detachment.
  3. Maybe it happened so you understand that you don’t need a cell phone, that you can live without it.
  4. It happened to keep you working on empathy, in the end the person who robbed you is probably involved in some problem and has a shitty life, put yourself in the Victim’s place. Bone Him.
  5.  You have the possibility to look more in the Eyes. You can no longer hide the discomfort by making you look at the cell Phone.

All very nice, bone may have happened for all that and more, but… So what?? I’m still angry, giving him a high justification doesn’t keep me from anger. Just pretend to cover it up and make me believe that I am a superior and understanding being.

Many years I bought that character, I really thought that nothing ever annoyed me, people told me that I had never been angry. The times I get out of control thanks to anger is for minimal reasons. I was identified with that character who is not angry. Anger thought it was my least frequent emotion. Mmm… Really? No!! That’s what my tune was expecting from Me. A quiet person who never gets angry. He was an easy-to-play character. But not Honest.

And now I’m writing This. I do not know if I will encourage you to publish, able to if, able to not. But I’m writing it from a very deep anger. If you are reading it, I congratulate you! It means that I am slowly relying on honesty rather than appearances.

And it is that in the end I seize all my anger to write with her and on her. In one of those is anger itself that saves me from my character. It seems to lie but as I write I feel less angry, less angry, able to this refer to books and teachers when they talk about channeling emotions in a creative way to transmute them into something else. Without denying it. My mechanism is to cover up anger with a false spirituality that all it does is hide what I feel.  Very unhealthy. Because then the bomb explodes at any Moment. Because the human condition is Undeniable. We are sentient beings. Feel. Feel. I am sorry.

I remember moments when my angry anger erupted with very unmeasured reactions to situations I didn’t care about so Much. Now I understand that the circumstance is just the Excuse. Anger is an animal emotion that needs to see the light. In the moments that society expects Surga anger I take out all the artillery to protect me from it and defend the cloak and sword that heinous character who never gets angry, as a result, anger appears when I least defend myself, in situations where you would not expect semejant and reaction Intensity. Do you understand that I attack myself and my naturalness to defend the character? Writing it now seems so crazy…  

ma’am, sir, getting angry is not bad. You are humane, I am humane and humans feel anger sometimes. What they do with that they feel is the decision of each unit. I chose unconsciously for many years to hide it, because I believed that my environment identified me with the woman who was not angry about Anything.  “look at that to make flower angry…” thousands of times I heard that feeling proud of that Phrase. With all that armed and gigantic character I was so hard to get out that I unconsciously fed myself to the Lions enojándome with myself for feeling angry. How Ridiculous! But what Truth.

My anger wanted to write that last paragraph with the new inclusive Language. I don’t know why, it was an impulse. It will come from the hand of the idea of revolutionizing. Everything has to do with being attentive, with questioning, not letting custom or comfort invade us, let us win the truth!

Using inclusive language is uncomfortable because we are not accustomed, because we do not know how to do it, but if we are honest with the situation, changing the way we express ourselves responds to a revolution that accompanies a social change, which is more honest with the place to which We want to Arrive. We demystify a way to communicate archaic. Someone had to realize that we were accustomed to something that does not count with the time of the story we Travel.

Also comes to me the memory of my trip to Bolivia, in the mines of Potosí, the miners adore the figure of “the uncle”, has the appearance of the Devil and venerate it with offerings within the mine to protect Them. This ritual originated at the time when the aborigines were subjected by the spaniards, when they refused to work the Spaniards armed some tragedy and made appear that figure to call them to the Order. So much so that the Aborigines returned to their task of slaves and worshipped that figure of the supposed god, who was nothing more and nothing less than the Devil. What draws my attention is that until today, who are aware of what happened, continue to Worship. Was the fear of the moment so great that it lasted for centuries? Are they accustomed to these rituals? Isn’t anybody questioning him? Do they need to cling to something? I don’t know. In the end, every revolution is Inside. Every being has to question Himself. Know if there is any mandate or false belief that makes it react in a certain way.

I had to come thousands of miles to unmask that character that has invaded me for Years. Feeling anger is natural, it’s animal. What we do with it is what differentiates us, that is where we have place to decide and definitely hide it is not the healthy way to travel your anger. Angry florence, able that from that anger emerges the reactionary rebellion that makes a better world, the discomfort of anger compels to react if we give place. So today I welcome you to Anger. I drink to a world of humans who know how to assume and prosecute their wrath! Health.  

Photo: Camila Pisano work: Sleepless spring night (2012)

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